Living To Dream (livingtodream) wrote,
Living To Dream


I know I haven't posted in a while

I guess I just ran out of things to say. I'd promise an update, but even I am not so stupid to think I'd do so in any timely matter.

Plus, it seems anything I do anymore is a crutch, and everyone around me changes once they know me. So what's the use anymore?
Hell, I've lost friends over stupid stuff. I'm too scared to reach out to them again, and new contacts, faded and changed shortly after I got to know them.
and not in the "showed a true face" change, because they all had something bad happen to them. Oddly none of it seemingly related to me.

However, in the case of one. I really, hate, how close I get to those I can share a common memory with, because... Honestly, I feel like I can't help someone I can't reach and his reaction was the same as an old friends...
When hurt came, he attacked everyone, problem was. I was the closet one to take the pain.
and I kept coming back for more, until he stopped hitting. In a virtual sense.

Problem is, I'm not sure he ever recovered from it, and has since withdrawn. Still in contact but, not like it was. I fear he thinks he lost a shoulder to cry on, when it's still right here. Also about the time I was able to break the shield down and get some sense though to him I wasn't mad... He went and got into a major accident real life that's sidelined his career, and health for a bit.

bah I'll shut up now since this seems cryptic, and really, I can't do shit about it, other then stop trying to make friends since either I, or something out there, seems to hurt them.

Up side on the whole shit rolling downhill is I seem to have hit the bottom of the hill, for now. However now, am I shoving my friends down it too?

Bah, who knows, my brain is so muddled nowdays (and I'm not even taking anything, or drinking anymore), I can't even make sense of myself.

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